Monthly Archives: May 2012

Lessons from Eagles


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like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions.

Deuteronomy 32:11 NIV

An eagle makes its nest high on rocky ledges, because of the “hardness” of it all they look for feathers, fur etc to use as padding for their nests in order to keep the eaglets comfy when they hatch.  As the eaglets grow stronger and are becoming ready to leave the nest, slowly the mother eagle begins to push the “stuffing” out of the nest making it less and less comfortable.  Eventually, the mother eagle takes the baby up in her claws high high into the sky, then……she DROPS it.   In an apparent attempt to kill her  baby, she is in fact teaching it to fly.  She swoops down catches the baby eagle long before it would hit the ground, up ,up , up they go again where she drops the baby again and again repeating this “teaching method” several times.  Finally, the baby eagle spreads it wings and soars, thus achieving the ultimate goal of the mother who had spent so much time on these flying lessons.

Lord help us homeschooling mothers, we all so often forget the lesson that the eagle teaches.  We so often find ourselves trying to keep the nest comfy forever rather than slowly but surely teaching our children to be more and more independent.  We protect them from everything, feeling righteous in doing so, even the life experiences they need in order to grow mature.

We homeschoolers, and really parents in general, seem to forget that our goal is not to keep our children forever, but to teach them to be independent.  We are so busy training our child on the way that he should go, we often forget that the scripture really says to train UP the child….not just train the child.  I must confess, the idea of my little ones “leaving the nest” does not make me leap for joy….I love them, I want them to always be my little babies. God given knowledge tells me, this is not God’s plan.  God has entrusted these lives to me, I must teach them of him, I must walk upright before them, I must teach them the academics they need to survive in the world, and then…...I have to take them up high high high…..and DROP them…over and over…..I must teach them to fly.  Just like the eagle, if I fail to teach my children to “fly” my child will not make it.  I must, there is no choice.  I must be the one who takes them up to that scary height and then be the one who drops them over and over.  I must be the one who teaches them not only the soft and comfortable lessons of life, but also the hard and scary ones.  If I don’t, then I have failed.

Why does parenting have to be such a hard job!?  I’m sure our heavenly father often asks the same question.  I think parenting and homeschooling could be counted as the greatest joy and at the same time the greatest challenge of my life.  I desperately want to protect my children from all harm, and at the same time I realize…..I am incapable of protecting them completely.  There are times, and those will become more frequent as they grow older, that I simply am not and cannot be capable of fully protecting them!  Currently at 9 and 7 years old they both wear the badge of scratches, scrapes, bruises, and scars…..evidence of my inability to protect them fully.  So what is one to do!?  First things first, we must pray.….without ceasing!  The prayer of the righteous availeth much, that is for certain.  Pray over all things, education, friendships, activities, future relationships and spouses, their children and generations after them…..pray over all things.  God said that he hears our prayers, in fact he said that he hears us before we call, and he answers before we finish speaking!   Step two…..faithPrayer without faith is as useless as a lightbulb with no electricity!  If you are lacking in faith….pray for it to grow!  If you have great faith, pray for great perseverance in faith…..faith is the key to the kingdom.  Step 3  worksWorks alone will get you nowhere, but faith without works is dead.  You must pray in faith, then you must go forth and walk it out and work it out.  Just as you would not simply pray for a well to spring up in the desert and then sit by idly dehydrating to death, you should not pray for miracles without seeking them out!  When you pray for that well, be ready to dig it!  These are the lessons we should be teaching our children as well.

 

to be continued……..

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B after soccer


 B after soccer

she’s not well rounded…..not at all, can ya tell?

piano, soccer, gymnastics, and softball :p

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May 27, 2012 · 2:52 am

B’s piano recital


 B's piano recital

So grown up for 6 years old 🙂

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May 27, 2012 · 2:51 am

His Grace…..It Is Sufficient Pt.3


We went this morning for “the appointment” to “discuss” my husband’s thyroid ultrasound.  They informed us that he has a solitary solid mass 18mm in size  as well as a goiter.  Typically someone with a “nodular” thyroid, will have more than one, so this is cause for concern.  Therefore, a biopsy has been ordered and the waiting game has begun.

Thorns…Grace…Being thankful for them both.

I find myself in a slight state of shock at this news, I truly expected a simple explanation such as a cyst or a simple goiter.   I suppose although in the back of my mind I “feared” that it would be more significant, I didn’t really believe it would be.  My husband seems fine, unaffected even.  He said to me in response to my fear and worry :

“Have you ever seen a bridge that appeared rickety, the boards are loose, the bridge looks unsafe?  Well, this is a bridge and it “appears” to be rickety, unsafe, and frightening to you, but what you failed to notice; the beams beneath that bridge are as solid as ever, they are more than adequate to bear you across it.  You may have to balance for a while….the fear of heights will make you tremble, but you needn’t worry because your support is rock solid and you’ll make it across.  Everything is fine, our foundation is rock solid.  We have fought many battles in preparation for the big ones; when you’ve had as much “practice” as we have, you simply have faith that the practice has taught you well how to fight”

His grace is sufficient….it’s as simple as that.  I know (and if you read my list…YOU know) that I’ve crossed many “rickety bridges”, and this is just another one along the path.  I’m concerned, but HIS GRACE is sufficient.  Regardless of the outcome of the biopsies, I’m going to walk on knowing that the “beams” are built specifically to bear the weight of the burden.   God isn’t writing this story as we go, he already has the outcome prepared and no matter what it is, it will be to his glory.  I find today, that instead of a pity party, anger, fear, or disgust…….I feel as if I am anchored firmly and instead of suffering from the “Martha’s”, I’m gonna sing like Paul.

So I’m sitting here at my piano…..playing this song

Standing on the promises of Christ my King,

Through eternal ages let his praises ring;

Glory in the highest I will shout and sing,  Standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises of God, Standing on the promises of God my savior

Standing, Standing,

I’m standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises I cannot fall,

Listning every moment to the spirit’s call.

Resting in my Savior as my all in all,

Standing on the promises of God

and next…..I think I will just  play and sing  Leaning On The Everlasting Arms 🙂  and  “The Battle’s Not Mine Cried Little David”

I refuse to be shaken……I refuse to complain…..No matter the outcome;  God’s Got This.

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His Grace….Why Won’t We Let It Be Sufficient Pt.2


So, you’ve read my list…..you might say “well…that is alot, I could see why you might have a bad case of the “Martha’s”.  There’s this thing though…..God said  “My grace is sufficient, in weakness my strength is made perfect”.  The End….he didn’t add any conditions or stipulations…..his grace is sufficient…..EVEN in all of those situations I listed.  So what is my deal then?   Well….here goes nothing…..be ready, this is going to be brutal honesty.

His grace IS sufficient…….but sometimes, I refuse his grace in favor of pity parties, anger, pouting, and disgust.  His grace IS sufficient, but I have to RECEIVE that grace…..it’s a choice you make ya know.

That wasn’t my whole list, I saved this bit for last.

My son finally did get his growth hormone treatments….and they’re working marvelously.  He also got another diagnosis……Auditory Processing Disorder/Language Processing Disorder.  He has a learning disability…..and yet, ye is marvelously gifted in math, science, and history.  It did however take FOREEEVVVVVER to teach this kid to read!  Now he reads beautifully, but his comprehension is weak (but growing).

My daughter—miraculously HEALED of her growth hormone deficiency is growing fine and with no treatment.

Now back on topic.

HIS GRACE….IS PLENTY SUFFICIENT….but sometimes, we actively refuse grace because we are angry, hurt, sad, pouting, and having a pity party for ourselves that we think we are entitled to.   SURE, we want the grace……but FIRST we want to feel JUSTIFIED in being angry, hurt, sad, pouty, and pity partying.  Too bad that scenario isn’t very pleasing to the Lord.  Now I’m not saying, that God isn’t omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent……but I am gonna stake a bet that he does NOT attend pity parties……I don’t think that would be his cup of tea, I just don’t.  I really think that he would be a party crasher….tell you to get OVER YOURSELF…..and GET HUMBLED…..so that HE CAN PERFECT HIS STRENGTH THROUGH YOUR WEAKNESSES.

That’s the thing I struggle with…..getting over myself.  I think I, and most Christians, have this sense of “entitlement”…well by georgey WE are the children of a king, our father has 10,000 cattle on the hillside, we’re gonna live in mansions we don’t have to build, we’re the victors…never victims.  Our tests, they’re just testimonies in waiting, and our messes are just messages in the works.  Who said that it was going to be EASY though?

Homeschooling is NOT easy, but HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT……if you’ll ALLOW it to be.  Don’t refuse his grace in favor of pity parties, anger, self hatred, fear, failure, and discontent.    Life is NOT easy, but HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT…..if you will ALLOW it to be.  Don’t refuse his grace in favor of  self……or you’ll find yourself coming down with a bad case of “THE MARTHA’S”….and let me tell you from firsthand experience, it’s a HARD cycle to break once it begins.

Do you suffer from “MARTHA SYNDROME”   OR  “BUT LORDS”…….there is a cure…..so take heart!

BOW DOWN RIGHT NOW, AND START GIVING PRAISES, THANKS, AND GLORY to the GOD  who created you.   Thank him for the UNIQUE situations that are in your life…..for the THORNS AND THE GRACE.   ASK him to help you ACCEPT AND RECIEVE his grace instead of denying yourself that privilege.  THANK HIM FOR THE STRUGGLES, THE HEART ACHES, THE WORRIES, THE FEAR, THE HURTS, THE IRRITATIONS, THE LIFE….LIFE THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU.  THANK HIM….PRAISE HIM FOR THE THORNS…..BECAUSE WITHOUT THEM, THERE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THE CROWN OF THORNS OUR SAVIOR WORE…..THANK HIM FOR THE BLESSINGS,  THANK HIM FOR THE HARDSHIPS…..THANK HIM FOR HIS LOVE AND HIS TOLERANCE AND ASK HIM TO HELP YOU RECIEVE….AND NOT REJECT HIS GRACE.

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His Grace…..Why Won’t We Let It Be Sufficient?


Paul said he prayed three times about the “thorn” in his flesh and the Lord answered and said  “My grace is sufficient, my power is made perfect in weakness”.

 

Well, I don’t know about you but I’m about as weak as water.  You’d THINK that God’s grace would be super sufficient for me right?  I..being fit for nothing much….have been suffering with a bad case of the “Martha’s”  on and off for a while now.  If I made a list….just of the last 8 years…..it’d go something like this  ASIDE from the divorce I endured with my kids’ father

 

May 14, 2004  diagnosed with Melanoma stage 3 of 5   10 days before my oldest son turned 1.  

(conceived my daughter in Jan of 2005, delivered her in Sept of 2005

 

April 2006-  My son was diagnosed with initially=== a brain tumor…..and for 2 weeks i couldn’t breathe.

May 2006-  Ooopsie…nope not a brain tumor…just cystic fibrosis….

June 2006   Oopsie AGAIN….not cystic fibrosis…….Severe Primary IGF1 deficiency

August 2006  Nope….not spigf1d   Severe Growth Hormone Deficiency

August 2006-July 2009……FIGHTING MY INSURANCE COMPANY TO PAY FOR THE TREATMENT MY SON NEEDED IN ORDER FOR HIS BODY TO GROW AT THE SAME RATE HIS ORGANS WERE.

September 2007-  My daughter was diagnosed with GH Deficiency…..same story with the insurance.

I began dating my husband (he really is a god send I believe…..like a kinsmen redeemer he came and he took full responsibility for me in my “widowed by divorce” state….he took my children…he took me….he provided for us…he always has)

 

MAY 14 2009…(yea 5 years to the day)  While celebrating my cancer is gone day b/c I was cancer free on the anniversary of the melanoma diagnosis …. i got the phone call…..cancer again….

May 20 2009—  Metastatic Cervical Cancer…..you need surgery….a radical hysterectomy/oopherectomy

 

I refused to do it before my sons birthday…..he was turning 6….he was “more than 1 whole handful mommy now I am a whole handful and 1 more finger” he said 🙂  

I refused to do it before I had one more vacation with my family at the beach……so I scheduled it for July.

 

November 2010….Black Friday…4am…on my way out the door to go Black Friday Shopping—– RIIIIIIIING…..RIIIIIIIIIIIIING….I jerk the phone up thinking it will be my mom saying shes up and shes decided she will go……

“Is this Shallon?”

“Yes, who is this”

“This is dispatch, there has been an accident…your brother is hurt badly, wings are in the air….Ronnie is on the way in”   (My brother is sheriff’s deputy)

“Is he alive?”

“As far as I know he is alive…..they have the jaws out there now, he was in a high speed pursuit when the accident happened, he was with *J*…..it’s bad, you need to contact your parents and meet the wings at the hospital”

Walking into the hospital….the first thing you do NOT want to see is a gathering of other deputies some of whom are so upset they’re crying.  You do NOT want to see…both the Sheriff AND the Chief Deputy standing in the hallway…..I nearly lost it.  I went in first because…well, that’s what my brother would’ve wanted, he wouldn’t have wanted our mother confronted with this before it had been first censored through me…..I am tougher….I just am.

My brother almost left us that day……10 inches…..that was the distance between life and death that day….10 more inches forward….killed on impact….it was a miracle….the vehicle had been airborne…it had twisted PERFECTLY into a position that prevented direct impact of a huge tree into my brother’s door….it was a miracle.  He has since required surgeries to correct injuries etc, but other than physical deficits and some post traumatic stress…..he seems well.

April 2011….we had moved….we were closing on our new home.  We had our things in storage….the storage unit flooded….we lost EVERYTHING we needed inside our home….furniture, mattresses, silverware,sheets…you name it.  Insurance did not cover “flood”  so…..there ya go

 

May 24 2011….my sons birthday….his party is at 6.  130pm my phone rings to my mother in laws frantic screams…..”DADDY FELL DADDY FELL HE’S HURT BAD, BAD, OH GOD I THINK HIS NECK IS BROKEN, HE’S DYING”

he didn’t die…..he spent 15 days in the hospital with a broken neck, and then moved in with us for a few weeks.

 

June 2….2 days before my mothers birthday, 1 day before my nieces graduation party (theyre twins) to be held at MY HOUSE bc inlaws are living with us and father in law is not ambulatory….4. days after my parents 39th anniversary.   I gave them a call to let them know how my father in law was doing…..my mother answers the phone….I can tell she is crying.

 

“Something is wrong with daddy but he wont let me call anybody, Im scared”

I’m on my way….I’m calling my brother right now….I’ll be there in 10 minutes

‘Whats wrong daddy”

‘Huh?  nothin….I just got up…you’re here awful early”  (its 3 in the afternoon)

‘Whatve you done today dad?”

“Nothin….I just now woke up, what are you doin out so early?”  (he’d been in the yard knocking around, picked up some sticks, taken a shower, sat in the swing, visited with family, and a number of other “things)

 

June 3 2011   Dad is diagnosed with a brain tumor…..

“Dad….Jake is on his way….we are taking you to the ER, I am concerned that you’ve had a stroke”

(dad was 58 at the time)

June 10, 2011-  Dad’s tumor is benign PTL….but still scary

 

August 2011…..our renters destroyed our rental property…..it took 2 months to clean up.

 

January 2012-  I had walked in to pick the kids up…..I lagged a few minutes socializing, not realizing that in the vehicle….my husbands heart was in an arrhythmia.

when I got in the vehicle….I noticed his head was leaned back…the seat was slightly reclined….he was pale…and sweaty.  It wasn’t hot…why was he sweaty?  He was holding his arm….feeling his pulse (he’s a cop too so he knew how to check his pulse)  

 

“You okay?”

“I think so….”

“You look like you’re gonna vomit”

“I’m alright”

“Well you’ll never believe………………………….”  

I launched into my story of running into someone while picking the kids up.  Later, still looking weak, I asked again if he was okay.  

“My heart stopped…..for like 30 seconds”

“you’re lying….your heart could not have stopped…you’d have died……you’re exaggerating” 

“ok”

 

The next morning in the shower…….it happens again.  This time….longer and more serious.   I dragged him into his doctors office……they ordered tests.  His heart REALLY was stopping….more like PAUSING….or “backfiring”…..A-FIB.   His thyroid was the cause they said so they put him on synthroid and off we went happily ever after….

 

UNTIL YESTERDAY.

 

They felt something….a little “goiter” maybe, on his thyroid.  I pressed them to ultrasound it, bc I am not okay with having a lump in my body that isn’t evaluated.   Last Friday, he went to have the U/S b/c he’d put it off…..MONDAY—-they called….

 

“We need you to come in to discuss what we have found on your ultrasound”

 

“ok…but no need to worry RIGHT?”

 

“you just need to be here….day after tomorrow first appointment we have you down….don’t miss it”

 

to be continued………

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Thorn in the Flesh — Continuing Pt 3 :) Why can’t we just let his grace be sufficient?


PART 1

Do you have those days when homeschool is a “thorn in the flesh”?  Don’t you dare answer that with a “No”, you KNOW that there have been days you have “yellow bus envy”, days when you think how easy it would be to pack the kids off to the local public school (or private school).  You know you have thought of how neat and clean your house COULD be if you didn’t homeschool……especially when unexpected company pops in and the homeschool bomb aftermath is still scattered across every single surface of  your home.  You know you’ve thought of all the worthy goals that you COULD accomplish in community service, if only you had those 8 free hours that “school” would provide you.   You know that you’ve occasionally wished for just 15 minutes of nap time or silence…..only to hear the “mom, I’m done, now what?” come from across the room.  The days when you’re just so tired, so burnt out, so “not creative”, so dazed you can’t function. You know you have, even if you feel too guilty to admit it.  We all have those days, so stop feeling guilty about it and just accept the fact that it is in fact common and normal.

Paul once complained of a thorn in his flesh, this does sound alot more painful than homeschooling does it not?  God’s answer to him….”My grace is sufficient, in your weakness MY strength is made perfect”.   Lord have mercy, poor Paul, right?  Here he has prayed three times asking God to remove this thorn from his flesh, by now a festering sore no doubt, and God says “nah…not gonna remove it, but I will give you the patience and grace to endure it”.  Ohhhh man!   Now, Paul could have pouted up on this one and nobody could have blamed him at all…..but he didnt.  What did he do?  Well, in case you don’t know the story, Paul decided to BOAST of his infirmity because THROUGH it, God was glorified.    Surely many people saw the festering wound (if it were a literal thorn) and wondered at the fact that Paul carried right on smiling and preaching, singing God’s praises.  I certainly would be in awe, and am in awe, of someone who in spite of extreme pain, pressure, discomfort, circumstances, etc. who not only perseveres but PRAISES GOD for the thorn!  Far better are they than me I fear……I’m more like Martha…..eeeeeek did I just really confess that?  (Martha….you know….the complainer)

We all have “thorn” days, it is all about how you handle them.  You can press on and thank God that at least you have this day, at least your child is here in the land of the living, at least you are here in the land of the living, at least you have this opportunity to homeschool them, at least you know that HE is there with you each step of the way, at least, at least, at least.   Or, you can do what I sometimes fall into the rut of doing……I call it the “But Lords”… “BUT LORD!!! you called me to this”, ” BUT LORD, you said you’d be with me every step of the way, so why aren’t you rescuing me yet?”,  “But Lord, if you want me to homeschool why is it so HARD?”, “But Lord, I’ve done everything I can possibly do and this kid STILL CANNOT________________ (fill in your blank)”,  “But Lord, but Lord, but Lord”…….and then ONE day….he asked me why I was changing his NAME to  “BUT LORD” instead of “Lord God”, “El Shaddai”, “Jehovah Nissi”, “Jehovah Jireh”, “Jehovah Rapha”, “Jehovah Shalom”, “Ancient of Days”, “Jehovah Shammah”, “Jehovah Tsidkenu”, “Jehovah Mekkodiskem”, “Elohim”,  “Jehovah Saboath”,  “Jehovah Raah”, ” Adonai”, “El Elyon”,  ” El Olam”…….you get the idea.   He pretty much TOLD ME….that in ALL of the names he used to reveal himself, he NEVER ONCE called his name “BUT LORD”.

Yea….I’ve been whipped.  Whom the Lord loves, he chastens.

PART 2

Imagine this if you will;

Your name is…..Bob.

I am speaking to you…..and so are a few other people….but you hear us all….and we’re in kind of a crowd.

but I am calling you FRED….not Bob.

“Hey Fred, I need a favor over here, could ya help me out?”

you look at me…..”is she talking to me?” you think

“FRED…YO…OVER HERE….I SAID I NEED SOME HELP DUDE, CAN YA LEND A HAND?”

you cock your head, a furrow between your brow….you’re confused….I’m LOOKING directly at you….words are coming out of my mouth….directly towards you….but I’m not using your name, and so you just kinda….sit there….in stunned silence…..”she knows my name…why is she calling me Fred” you think…..

Suddenly….I say to you  ” Oh man, BOB….I really need you, you’re the ONLY one who can help me.  Could you please come down here and just help me out, please…I love ya man…I need your help…and I know you’re the ONLY one who can give it”

NOW you know I’m serious……I’m speaking DIRECTLY to you….I’m speaking your language….I’m showing you the RESPECT of calling you by your RIGHTFUL NAME…..and so you come…and you help..and the job is done.

PART 3

You know, when Jesus “taught” us how to pray….using the Lord’s Prayer….he demonstrated a great lesson in that  FIRST and FOREMOST— He demonstrated ACKNOWLEDGING GOD for WHO he is (OUR FATHER)  and HIS POSITION OVER US (WHO ART IN HEAVEN) and RESPECT FOR HIM (HALLOWED BE THY NAME).   Being that Christ’s “prayer lesson” was the ULTIMATE guide to prayer….I still don’t understand WHY I get the “martha’s”, I don’t understand why I can’t be MORE like Paul….BOASTING of the thorn….because the mere FACT that of boasting of the thorn instead of COMPLAINING about the thorn….is the example set for us in the “greatest” of the apostles.  He was pretty clear….” I prayed thrice” and THE LORD SAID  “My GRACE is SUFFICIENT”.   WHY WHY WHY can’t that be ENOUGH for me?  Why can’t I just say  “thank you Lord, thank you for the thorn…thank you for the lesson that the thorn teaches….thank you for demonstrating the sufficiency of your grace THROUGH this thorn….let this thorn be a TESTIMONY of your grace”…..why do we have such a hard time with this?  I know I’m not alone here…..alot of you guys must do it at times as well 🙂    RIGHT?

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