His Grace…..Why Won’t We Let It Be Sufficient?


Paul said he prayed three times about the “thorn” in his flesh and the Lord answered and said  “My grace is sufficient, my power is made perfect in weakness”.

 

Well, I don’t know about you but I’m about as weak as water.  You’d THINK that God’s grace would be super sufficient for me right?  I..being fit for nothing much….have been suffering with a bad case of the “Martha’s”  on and off for a while now.  If I made a list….just of the last 8 years…..it’d go something like this  ASIDE from the divorce I endured with my kids’ father

 

May 14, 2004  diagnosed with Melanoma stage 3 of 5   10 days before my oldest son turned 1.  

(conceived my daughter in Jan of 2005, delivered her in Sept of 2005

 

April 2006-  My son was diagnosed with initially=== a brain tumor…..and for 2 weeks i couldn’t breathe.

May 2006-  Ooopsie…nope not a brain tumor…just cystic fibrosis….

June 2006   Oopsie AGAIN….not cystic fibrosis…….Severe Primary IGF1 deficiency

August 2006  Nope….not spigf1d   Severe Growth Hormone Deficiency

August 2006-July 2009……FIGHTING MY INSURANCE COMPANY TO PAY FOR THE TREATMENT MY SON NEEDED IN ORDER FOR HIS BODY TO GROW AT THE SAME RATE HIS ORGANS WERE.

September 2007-  My daughter was diagnosed with GH Deficiency…..same story with the insurance.

I began dating my husband (he really is a god send I believe…..like a kinsmen redeemer he came and he took full responsibility for me in my “widowed by divorce” state….he took my children…he took me….he provided for us…he always has)

 

MAY 14 2009…(yea 5 years to the day)  While celebrating my cancer is gone day b/c I was cancer free on the anniversary of the melanoma diagnosis …. i got the phone call…..cancer again….

May 20 2009—  Metastatic Cervical Cancer…..you need surgery….a radical hysterectomy/oopherectomy

 

I refused to do it before my sons birthday…..he was turning 6….he was “more than 1 whole handful mommy now I am a whole handful and 1 more finger” he said 🙂  

I refused to do it before I had one more vacation with my family at the beach……so I scheduled it for July.

 

November 2010….Black Friday…4am…on my way out the door to go Black Friday Shopping—– RIIIIIIIING…..RIIIIIIIIIIIIING….I jerk the phone up thinking it will be my mom saying shes up and shes decided she will go……

“Is this Shallon?”

“Yes, who is this”

“This is dispatch, there has been an accident…your brother is hurt badly, wings are in the air….Ronnie is on the way in”   (My brother is sheriff’s deputy)

“Is he alive?”

“As far as I know he is alive…..they have the jaws out there now, he was in a high speed pursuit when the accident happened, he was with *J*…..it’s bad, you need to contact your parents and meet the wings at the hospital”

Walking into the hospital….the first thing you do NOT want to see is a gathering of other deputies some of whom are so upset they’re crying.  You do NOT want to see…both the Sheriff AND the Chief Deputy standing in the hallway…..I nearly lost it.  I went in first because…well, that’s what my brother would’ve wanted, he wouldn’t have wanted our mother confronted with this before it had been first censored through me…..I am tougher….I just am.

My brother almost left us that day……10 inches…..that was the distance between life and death that day….10 more inches forward….killed on impact….it was a miracle….the vehicle had been airborne…it had twisted PERFECTLY into a position that prevented direct impact of a huge tree into my brother’s door….it was a miracle.  He has since required surgeries to correct injuries etc, but other than physical deficits and some post traumatic stress…..he seems well.

April 2011….we had moved….we were closing on our new home.  We had our things in storage….the storage unit flooded….we lost EVERYTHING we needed inside our home….furniture, mattresses, silverware,sheets…you name it.  Insurance did not cover “flood”  so…..there ya go

 

May 24 2011….my sons birthday….his party is at 6.  130pm my phone rings to my mother in laws frantic screams…..”DADDY FELL DADDY FELL HE’S HURT BAD, BAD, OH GOD I THINK HIS NECK IS BROKEN, HE’S DYING”

he didn’t die…..he spent 15 days in the hospital with a broken neck, and then moved in with us for a few weeks.

 

June 2….2 days before my mothers birthday, 1 day before my nieces graduation party (theyre twins) to be held at MY HOUSE bc inlaws are living with us and father in law is not ambulatory….4. days after my parents 39th anniversary.   I gave them a call to let them know how my father in law was doing…..my mother answers the phone….I can tell she is crying.

 

“Something is wrong with daddy but he wont let me call anybody, Im scared”

I’m on my way….I’m calling my brother right now….I’ll be there in 10 minutes

‘Whats wrong daddy”

‘Huh?  nothin….I just got up…you’re here awful early”  (its 3 in the afternoon)

‘Whatve you done today dad?”

“Nothin….I just now woke up, what are you doin out so early?”  (he’d been in the yard knocking around, picked up some sticks, taken a shower, sat in the swing, visited with family, and a number of other “things)

 

June 3 2011   Dad is diagnosed with a brain tumor…..

“Dad….Jake is on his way….we are taking you to the ER, I am concerned that you’ve had a stroke”

(dad was 58 at the time)

June 10, 2011-  Dad’s tumor is benign PTL….but still scary

 

August 2011…..our renters destroyed our rental property…..it took 2 months to clean up.

 

January 2012-  I had walked in to pick the kids up…..I lagged a few minutes socializing, not realizing that in the vehicle….my husbands heart was in an arrhythmia.

when I got in the vehicle….I noticed his head was leaned back…the seat was slightly reclined….he was pale…and sweaty.  It wasn’t hot…why was he sweaty?  He was holding his arm….feeling his pulse (he’s a cop too so he knew how to check his pulse)  

 

“You okay?”

“I think so….”

“You look like you’re gonna vomit”

“I’m alright”

“Well you’ll never believe………………………….”  

I launched into my story of running into someone while picking the kids up.  Later, still looking weak, I asked again if he was okay.  

“My heart stopped…..for like 30 seconds”

“you’re lying….your heart could not have stopped…you’d have died……you’re exaggerating” 

“ok”

 

The next morning in the shower…….it happens again.  This time….longer and more serious.   I dragged him into his doctors office……they ordered tests.  His heart REALLY was stopping….more like PAUSING….or “backfiring”…..A-FIB.   His thyroid was the cause they said so they put him on synthroid and off we went happily ever after….

 

UNTIL YESTERDAY.

 

They felt something….a little “goiter” maybe, on his thyroid.  I pressed them to ultrasound it, bc I am not okay with having a lump in my body that isn’t evaluated.   Last Friday, he went to have the U/S b/c he’d put it off…..MONDAY—-they called….

 

“We need you to come in to discuss what we have found on your ultrasound”

 

“ok…but no need to worry RIGHT?”

 

“you just need to be here….day after tomorrow first appointment we have you down….don’t miss it”

 

to be continued………

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